Wednesday, August 17, 2016

My Own Worst Enemy

I started running again! Let me be very clear, the break was wonderful and everything I needed. It is also so good to be back. Nothing fancy, just getting out there.

While in my running funk I had a few realizations. Most of which helped me realize why I was in my funk. It was an eye opener for sure. There was one huge thing I took from all of this:

I am my own worst enemy. 

You know, like that awful song by Lit back in the early 2000s. Don't worry, if it's stuck inside tour head - here you go.

You see, during my last half marathon I reached the 10 mile mark at exactly my half marathon PR that I set last October. At the time, I was just content with finishing and didn't care how slow I was going. Once I had some time to think about it, I was mortified with myself. 

I couldn't stop thinking about how far I have fallen. Plus add on that I thought I could get close to that mark in about a month in Philly. There is no way! I was doing all of my workouts, I just didn't understand. 

I was being so hard on myself for no reason. I'm not going to qualify for Boston with a half marathon time. I had never broken the tape of a race. No one expects me to do this, why am I being so hard on myself? I just couldn't figure it out. 

And then that stupid song came on the radio and everything fit. I am my own worst enemy. 

My mom and husband are proud of me no matter how fast or slow I run. My friends still like me even at my normal middle of the pack pace (even though I'm convince Kelsey liked me a little more as a top 10% RnR Chicago 5k finisher) and I like me better not super focused on a goal. 

After sitting on the couch and hating everything for a week, I snapped out of it and ran. I ran slow. Heck, I ran intervals but I ran. You know what, I was content. I felt like a piece of me was back again. Something that had been missing for awhile. 

When I got hurt in December (yes, it was that long ago) all I wanted to do was just be able to move without pain. I ran the most fun half marathon of my life in March once I was healthy. I just want that feeling again. Putting so much pressure on myself is killing running for me. 

I know I have been saying that I'm not racing this year, and I mean it. No more goal for Philly. None at all. Crossing the start and finish line is enough of an accomplishment for me. I can't take the added stress I'm putting on myself. 

I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin and be my own biggest fan, not my own worst enemy. I am not the same person I was last year, and I am really okay with that.

Have you ever felt like you were being too hard on yourself? How did you fix it?


  1. I remember that song! I actually loved it back in the day and always think abut the movie American Reunion when I hear it.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. I know that's easier said than done, but we have to remember that running should bring us joy and happiness so we can't stress on the numbers too much.

    1. Thanks Kim. I have to keep telling myself I am a different person from last year. And that's alright!

  2. That was my jam back in the day! I'm glad you got back out there and shook the funk off. Running should be enjoyable and if you're not getting paid or going for Gold it's no sense to put so much pressure on yourself.

  3. Love this. Don't be too hard on yourself.
    If you love running and it makes you happy I say you are doing well to go goal free for a bit and enjoy it.

    1. Thanks Abby. I think that's the best too.