Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Turn The Page

The past few weeks have taught me a few things. I'm not the same person I was last year. I'm not fast, overly fit or motivation. I have come to those terms, but it's still hard. 


My foot has been acting up recently. Not in a concerning way, but just not right. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm not sure my body can handle really high mileage anymore. (By really high mileage I'm thinking 100 miles or more a month.) I have been silently dealing with this on my own for a few weeks and decided I would finally tell someone. That someone was Kelsey. 

During our run last week I told her I felt something but wasn't sure what. I also told Carrie about it during our failed long run. All I said was I just need to make it to November and then I can take a few weeks of completely. I finally told my husband on Monday and I think he knew. I haven't been myself and he's so supportive that he lets me figure things out myself. 

This is honestly the first time in years that I haven't had tons of races figured out for the next year. I'm signed up for Princess in February and I'm doing a Ragnar in June, but as of now that's it. I just don't know how I'm going to feel. 

Then I made the biggest mistake ever. I stepped on the scale. Why oh why would I do that? I'm up a few pounds from the last time I weighed myself a few months ago. Some could be water weight, but I'm not counting on it. 

I need to find a balance between lower mileage and staying in shape. 

Then the discussion started. A bicycle. I have talked about wanting to do a tri at some point and buying a bike would be a big step in that direction. I'm talking with some of my friends to try to figure out the best fit for me. I'm hoping this will help me rotate some workouts and stay in shape while dropping back mileage. 

I have always wanted to run a 50k before my 31st birthday and I know now that it isn't going to happen. I won't make it through in one piece. To be honest, the marathon I plan on running in 2018 might actually be it. 

So what's my plan? I'm not really sure. I'm thinking running three days a week between 15-20 miles sounds like a good start. I also need to take time to work out with weights and yoga again. 

This is hard for me. Really hard. It's so hard to not compare myself to, myself. I know what I'm capable of but its so frustrating to watch my body not respond. I don't need to run fast or far. I just need to be happy and be the best version of me. 

8 comments:

  1. Having a good, healthy balance sounds like a good fit for you. Like you said - a good mixture between running, strength training & yoga. In the summer I do some version of that since it's too hot for me to run.. but it's a great way to stay in shape. run between 10-15 miles per week & then cross train on the other days. I hope you find what works best for you!

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    1. Thank you Ciara. It's hard to remember what you are capable of but now coming to the realization that I can't do it right now. I'll get there. I just need to find a new normal.

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  2. I was in the same situation last fall. I felt so lost. I'd defined myself as a runner for so long it was hard to come to terms with not wanting to race, not even wanting to run. I needed a break so stepped away for awhile. Always remember that running is something that you do, not who you are. I know it must have been hard for you to write this. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for this Dodie. I've been a runner my whole life and I knew one day I wouldn't be able to do it anymore. Didn't know I would have to start cutting back before 30. I'll adjust and slowly ease into my new normal.

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  3. Oh man I know this feeling. When I got injured I didn't know how to handle the fact that all of my goals were off the table or the fact that years ago I was so much faster and healthier. I didn't know how to not identify as a runner for the first time ever, or how to cope with everyone else running millions of races while I was stuck just wishing for one minute of pain free running. To be honest, the only thing that got me through my last year of injury was doing my first triathlon. I signed up, bought a road bike, got swimming lessons, and then dedicated myself to learning a new sport. And I loved it! I had to walk the run part but still had a blast. I just had to learn how to be "me" without the running part and it definitely worked. Good luck with figuring stuff out, I know it's going to be okay!

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    1. Thank you Kristen. I'm hoping taking a step back will help me figure some things out. I really want to do a tri next year and I'm also hoping adding in new disciplines to my workouts helps!

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  4. I think bicycling would be a great addition to your fitness routine to add a little bit of low impact exercise in there.

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    1. Thanks Rachel. I think it's a smart decision at this point.

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