Wednesday, December 28, 2016

I Dreamed A Dream

I am one of those people that have crazy vivid dreams. I can remember most of every dream I have when I wake up. I have tons of reoccurring dreams until I figure out what they mean. This one lasted long enough and I think is the greatest realization of my life.

For about a week I had a bunch of dreams about being in public and being naked. I wasn't embarrassed or scrambling for clothes, and I was the only one naked. I would just go about my business. You know, like Alanis Morissette in the music video, "Thank U".

So after a week of my naked self joining my dreams, I reached out to a friend to help me figure it out. Of course the dream dictionary would have to help.

I found that being topless in dreams means being comfortable and confident in who you are. Hmmmmm alright, let's go with that.

Then I got to thinking about it. Now that I am under six months away from the big 3-0 I have let go of a lot of things. I have cut ties with people who I do not need to associate with, friends and family. I have closed some chapters in the past few years that needed to be done. Heck, I've even finally admitted to myself I don't know what I want to be when I get older.

For most of my adult life I have had terrible self confidence/body issues. I have been working on it, but it's hard. It's hard being a smaller person and people having to point out how small you are. Or, on the other hand, when someone makes a weight related comment to you that makes you want to spiral out of control. I'm really good at keeping it to myself, but that isn't healthy.

For the past year I have really made a conscious effort to put myself first. Not in the same way as normal people, but to stop comparing myself to other people. I will never be six foot tall, or have six pack abs (I really like donuts and pizza) and that's okay. As long as I'm healthy and being the best version of myself, that's all I can ask for.

I ran two half marathons in a sports bra this year. That was pretty big for me! I made sure I shared pictures of me in a sports bra not for people to think a certain way about me, but for me. I never got any negative or positive feedback about my body and I really appreciated that. Maybe this was all just in my head. No one cares what I look like, just that I'm doing it.

Once I had this realization, my dreams went away. Fully clothed again. It has taken me nearly 30 years to get to this point, and I couldn't be happier. It literally feels like a weight lifted. I know my husband loves me no matter what, and my friends have supported me through everything. It's been such a hard journey with myself and I am so excited to see what a clear mind can accomplish!

"The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down"
Alanis Morrissette - Thank U

Do you believe your dreams mean something? Do you have vivid dreams like me?


  1. I have pretty vivid dreams & remember most of them! I love that you have become more confident - that's amazing! I wish I could run in just a sports bra. I understand the body conscious thing - even though on the outside people don't see any flaws - we are our toughest critics! Way to go Steff!

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