Friday, December 8, 2017

And I'm About To Break

The best thing about having a blog is you can write about whatever you feel whenever you feel it. This week has been soul crushing for me and I need to get it out. Hopefully, my meltdown can help someone else nearing the point I was at.

My 18 mile run was rough. I did really well for 15 miles then the last three fell apart. Just like what happened in the Pittsburgh Marathon in May. What is it about this distance? What am I not doing right? I have put way too much time and effort in to this training for it all to come crashing down so close to the race.

I didn't run Monday. I went to barre - which was not my brightest idea. Tuesday some strange cold front came through and I ended up with a wicked headache. Plus, running in the rain in December sounded terrible.

Then Wednesday came. I went to barre in the morning. Packed my bag of running clothes and went along my way. As I was programming my watch with my track workout it happened. The thought of running was giving me incredible anxiety. I thought I was going to cry, like burst in to tears.

What is happened?! I have done this before! It would be totally different if I hadn't done this before, let alone six other times! I am four weeks from running a marathon and the thought of running is bringing me to tears.

I posted something on Twitter looking for something. Anything. I was very grateful that Kelsey texted me. She told me to reach out to Kristen. Of course! Why wouldn't I have thought of that. Ask the person who wrote my plan!

We worked out a plan. I'm cutting a workout this week to hopefully take some of the edge off. It is a cutback week so it's nothing crazy. Seriously guys, if you don't work with a coach, you need to. Even for the little bit of a boost. Kristen also told me to reach out to my other friend Kristin and ask how four weeks out from the marathon treated her.

Yep, just what you expected, hot mess.

So what am I getting at? I AM HUMAN! We are all human! We have bad days, heck even bad weeks. I need to give myself some credit sometimes and celebrate the small victories. My splits have been dropping. I finished my 2017 mileage goal with five weeks to spare. I ran 18 miles last week even when I wanted to stop.

Most of all, I have finished six marathons! I am a marathoner. While this is my last attempt at a time goal for a marathon, no one can take away the fact that I am a marathoner.

This training has been so much more than miles. It has been finding myself again. Showing myself that when you might be at your lowest, you can accomplish amazing things. Mostly, it's for Carrie and those who would love to be able to do what has been stressing me out. I need to spend the next month embracing the journey again and focus on what is really important.

What has been your breaking point? How did you get out of it.

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